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When you come in from work in the evening, your dog or cat probably comes to greet you. Acknowledge their presence, say hello to them briefly and quietly. Tell them you are glad to see them. If you're sitting on the couch watching TV and your dog comes to sit at your feet to ask for attention, acknowledge them with indirect eye contact and a pat. When entering the room, if your cat or dog raises its head to say "hello", say hello back even if you are just passing through. When you leave in the morning, quietly say goodbye, tell them you will be back in a little while, give a treat or pat, and leave. If you wish, check in with your pet during the day by bringing up a picture of them in your mind, and then just mentally say "hi, I'll be home soon".
Our companion animals need to have clear boundaries or rules to follow. These need to be communicated very clearly and consistently. For example, if you do not wish to have your cats walking on the counter, teach them not to with "no" and perhaps a misting spray bottle of water. If you do not wish your dog to get on the furniture, then teach them "off" and enforce it gently and every time. Clear and consistent boundaries mean that everyone in the family enforces them, and all visitors to your home enforce them as well. I do not want my dog to beg at the table, so I ask visitors not to feed my dog from the table. We humans need to respect our animal's boundaries as well. For example, some dogs do not like to be disturbed while sleeping. Provide a quiet space for your dog to nap, away from noise and activity, and teach your children to respect her private space by not disturbing her while she is sleeping there. Some horses do not want to be disturbed while eating. If at all possible, leave them alone in their stall while eating.
When living and working with animals, it is very important to clearly communicate what you want, and to listen to what they want. If my dog Maggie wants to be petted, I have taught her to sit in front of me. In teaching Maggie this, I have had to be very clear about what I wanted, what she wanted, and how she could get what she wanted. I also insist that anyone visiting my home does not pet her unless she sits. If she gets pushy and jumps up, she does not get what she wants. If she sits, she does, every time. When I ride a new horse, I must learn how she/he wants me to communicate what I want with legs, hands, weight. She/he must learn what I want by how I use legs, hands, weight, voice. We work together to clearly communicate in a way that we both understand. I also sometimes bring up pictures in my mind of what I want an animal to do, and it seems to help them understand.
Including our animal companions in our daily lives is very important. If you are going to run some errands and the weather is fine, take your dog(s) with you. If you are going for a walk with friends, take your cat if she is harness and leash trained. My friend Lin used to bring her bird Glory to our softball practices when the weather was nice. The bird loved it and so did the team; in fact, Glory became our team mascot and attended some of our games on his perch. If you have friends over to visit, and they do not have animal allergies, then train your dogs to greet and interact with visitors quietly and gently. If your cats enjoy people, let them participate as well. It is worth noting that some cats are very sensitive, and may choose not to be present when company is around. If you have a horse, the next time you go to the barn, take a few minutes, put them on a lead line, and just stand outside letting them graze for a bit. Spend time just being together.
We all experience changes constantly in our lives. We move, we integrate new pets or people into our households, we change work schedules, we travel or take vacations, we become ill. It is extremely important to help our animal friends understand what is going on in our lives, especially when there is change. For example, if a couple is going to have a baby, it is very important for them to explain this in very simple terms to their family companion animals. Once the baby has come home, the animal(s) need to be included in family time with the new child, so that they do not fell neglected and become jealous. If you are planning on going on vacation, take a few minutes to explain that you will be gone for "X" number of "darks" (nights), and that you will coming back. This is extremely crucial if you live with an animal who has been abandoned or abused. They have no way of knowing that you are not abandoning them when you go away on a trip unless you tell them. It is far less stressful for them if they understand that you are coming back. Again, you can check in with them while you're gone as mentioned above. Recently we were on a cruise, and I checked in with our dogs and cats every day. They were far less stressed when we came home as a result.
Playing with our animals is essential. Playing is good for us and for them. Figure out what your companion animal's favorite play activities are, and make a point of doing one of them - even briefly - every day. My dog Beau likes to play hide and seek Basset style. When I come in from work and change my clothes, I'll throw my shirt over his head and say "where's Beau?". He's hiding, you see. Sometimes he shakes the shirt off, sometimes he takes off running with it, and sometimes he just stands there and grumbles. Then I take the shirt off his head, and he tears into the other room barking happily. Maggie likes to play tag, so I make growly noises and rile her up and then she dashes away, comes back, dashes away again. When I lived with a Flat Coated Retriever, we would go to the lake and go swimming together. I would also throw sticks for him to retrieve in the water. Playing is good for us and good for them. It is good quality time together.
Showing appreciation for each other is important in any relationship. We can show appreciation for our animals in many ways: praising them when they do well, telling them we love them, spending quiet time grooming them, playing with them, teaching them new things. The next time you are grooming your dog, cat, or horse, stop for a moment and just feel how much you love them and enjoy them. Let that love come through your hands, through the grooming brush. They will know, and appreciate it.
In summary, relationships with our companion animals are much like our relationships with our human companions. There must be mutual respect, good communication, clear boundaries and rules, play time, involvement a regular basis, and appreciation. All relationships are work, but the rewards are well worth the effort. Then next time you walk in a room with an animal present, please acknowledge them with a smile, a kind word. Check in with your animal while you're at work, let them know that you're thinking about them. Involve them in changes in you family, involve them in your daily life. And most importantly, enjoy each other's company every day.
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